you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
