How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
