And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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