your parents love me but you hate me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
