I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
