Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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