woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
