i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
