All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
