found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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