I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
