i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
