You're so nebulous sometimes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
