she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize