yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
