Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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