Got a toothbrush?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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