wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
