Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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