She is in my trunk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
