I hate all girls vehemently.
you didnt know i had herpes?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
