if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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