I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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