i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
