Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
