he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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