dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
