and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
