i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
