I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
