i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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