well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
