Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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