No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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