I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
