I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
