I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
