She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
