Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
