so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
