just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
