He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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