Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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