The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
