so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
