I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
