tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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