At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
