Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
