when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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