she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
