I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is classic penis vs brain.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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