Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
bring money and cleavage
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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