I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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