this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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