so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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