If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
