Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
