Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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