I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
