So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
