Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
