GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
