barbara walters just said penis...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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