I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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