nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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