I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
