I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
