We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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